and they never show, because you're too conditioned to drawing everything in until you don't know what to give and what to keep; but no one's going to tell you anything, because we're all so used to it and everyone's unhappy trying to make everyone happy.



I tagged 你走后，我们怎么办？on yujie's blog & it struck me how emotional that little line was, and i got so affected by it i wrote a 845-word piece of rubbish on it that didn't make sense to me.

And i don't know. Everything's happening at this time and it's so inconvenient. Why is it inconvenient? I DONT KNOW! Inconvenient is the only word i can find to describe all this.






I wish i can say It's okay, i'm here for you but i can't, the words won't come out right because they're just words i always say when i can't find anything else that would fit.

I would say I'm sorry that i never was there when you needed me most, but sorry is just another word & not a feeling i could convey to you however i want to.

I could make a move and ask you to forgive me, but i would be dredging up memories i'd rather not relive, not because they are awful, but because they are so gloriously precious to me. Yet however much i wish i lived in a memory, there's nothing like the real you.

I wish i never was impulsive & extroverted, and that i was a keeper, like how i always wanted to be. I wish i never drifted from you, because when i was feeling like this last time, you were always the first to drop me a message, and i won't have to cry myself to sleep.

Some things i dream of, i dream for a reason. Now what do i dream for, and what do i look forward to, when i know that i am now a mere shadow in your life?





I tried to make my face unreadable, but you saw through to my heart.




pmz